Going Through Notes

I was cleaning through my office yesterday, and was about to throw away a notebook.  I'm forever writing down thoughts that I have, or notes to an interesting book or interview, whatever, then I get these notes spread all over my house.  Anyway, I was just about to toss this notebook when I decided to glance through it, needless to say it never hit the garbage can because I saw the following story in it:

The story is about a NDE, that I think was supposed to have really happened, but I could be wrong about that.   Let me just say...I'm not sure about NDE's, I find some of them interesting, but I have no idea if they are real or not.  This one seems to be tainted with Mormon ideology, so... you can take it as seriously as you want, but I think there is wisdom in it.  From what I remember, this person, Allen R. Barlow, was a member of the church, who had become aware of it's false claims and left the church.  He had a NDE, in which he sees his deceased grandmother, who was a Mormon.  He asks her some pretty tough questions. In my notes I have written the words, "Main Points," so I guess these are the main points, as I saw them.

I'm just going to write them as they are in my notebook, sorry for not referencing this, or adding a link, I'm not sure where this came from, but a simple google search would probably provide more information. With that introduction, here we go, I believe it starts with a question from his grandmother:
  
"Why have you come before you are whole?"

(This is his response to his grandmother, Allen's words will be in blue, his grandmother's in red)

"Freedom is a miserable thing don't you think?  So painful."

"Painful to be sure.   To those who really know it, it gives moments more painful than death or birth.  But don't say miserable, say breathtaking or better yet, exhilarating.  There is no growth without it, and growth is life."

           Freedom = Growth = Life

"But did it have to be so confusing?  All I wanted was just to be shown a clear path. I could have managed the rest just fine."

"The rest is virtually nothing, making the path is mortality...hacking your way through the brush of temptation and persecution, stumbling up the hills of uncertainty and scaling the cliffs of ignorance, quenching your thirst at the springs of love.  These are the very things that bring you The Goal."

"It's so easy isn't it?  Make a path, and where should it go?  Hey, no problem we'll send down a hundred prophets (all with suspect credentials) to clearly explain it to you, and they will point a hundred different directions and then you can take your pick.  What? not enough help --tough break that's all there is, no maps on this trip.  No compass either." 

"I expected more of you, life's goal is plainly to draw near to God and become like him.  That cannot be a novel concept to you.  You must have heard it your whole life...which of the prophets didn't teach it to you?  And how shall you accomplish it without learning and loving?  No compass?  Who can doubt the validity of His path when he feels that inner peace that can come in no other way?  The goal and its direction have always been quite clear."

"Come on, people need a detailed plan. If they would have just made the steps plain and the leaders authority unquestionable, we good ones would have followed unfailingly."

"So there's the root of it...you think the answer is more valuable than the ability to work the problem.  It's not true.  Simple obedience is a necessary element in life, but its no virtue in and of itself.  Only as a forerunner to understanding can it aid the purpose of life. Then God asks obedience of His children, its for their own protection as they begin to explore new and unfamiliar realms.  But we must grow beyond it...

"Grandmother does God really answer the prayers of mortals?"

"Be grateful that God doesn't base His interactions with us on our often confused perception of our needs.  He loves us too much for that and gives greater gifts.  To those who truly seek Him.  He grants not what we ask, but what we need.  In your case, I don't know, let me speculate, He may have felt it time to dispel your confusion about the things in life that matter most.  Let us suppose he had answered your questions in just the way you wanted. Would it have made you love your fellow man more?  Increased your integrity?  Enlarged your creativity? Improving your ability to discern truth? Or would you have become ever less empathic toward your fellow man's struggles with life perplexities?  Small wonder then, that He seems to favor comforting, strengthening, and inspiring over clarifying factual curiosities."

   

   

  

Coming Around

When I discovered that the Mormon Church was not what it said it was (thanks to Elder Holland and his comments in a PBS interview in which he answers questions about Blacks and the Priesthood ban, that were shocking to my true believing ears) it broke my heart to discover the hidden history of the Church, the remaking of events, and the cover up and elimination of much of the real history. But what really broke my heart was to discover that it isn't Christ's restored church on this earth, at least not in the sense that it claims to be.  Meaning, I doubt seriously if God and Jesus Christ appeared to Joseph Smith in the Sacred Grove and told him the things that the Church claims they did.  The evidence just doesn't support that story, I should say that version of the story, since there are three or four versions of the vision, and the Church only teaches the last one, which by that time included two Gods and a completely different vision then Joseph Smith originally claimed.  You can listen to apologist's try to spin a good reason for the different versions, but I'm not into spinning things.  If I was, I would have listened to the apologist's spin on the Blacks and the Priesthood, or almost every other topic and problem the Church has with its history, there is plenty of apologist spin out there, enough to make your head dizzy. 

It did break my heart, because I believed it so deeply, and my entire life structure was built upon it.  It's not easy to have your entire foundation ripped out from underneath you, lets just say, it's not for the faint of heart.  But I have never been faint of heart, I was taught to "put your shoulder to the wheel, and push along", I was taught to "lengthen your stride", I was taught "even the intent to deceive was a lie", and I was taught to "do what is right, let the consequence follow".  I guess in reality my church taught  me the skills, the integrity, the courage, and the ability to walk away, when I discovered it wasn't what it said it was.  So in that regard, I'm very grateful.  I'm glad that I learned those lessons so well, so when the time came that I needed to not be, faint of heart, I wasn't!

One problem the Church has are the literalists claims it makes, i.e. this literally is Christ's restored church, Christ is literally running it through revelation to the prophet, our leaders are literally Apostles and Prophets of Jesus Christ, the priesthood was restored to Joseph Smith by Peter, James, and John, and on and on and on...the literal claims are so numerous!  And that's why the Church is now being picked apart by some of its own members and others using historical records, primary sources, historical research, journal entries, scientific evidence, and words of their own leaders, just to name a few. The historical evidence doesn't match up with the Church's literal claims, plain and simple, and the Church is losing members because of it. 

Interestingly, the Mormon Church is not alone.  There are literalists of a different stripe, and they too are suffering from their literal claims.  Religion in general is suffering, but specifically Christianity, especially the evangelical, fundamentalist stripe.  Not every Christian believes that Noah was a real person, who built an ark and put two of every creature into that ark, and the earth was flooded. Not every Christian believes that the Bible is the inerrant word of God, without error or fault in all its teaching.  Not every Christian takes literally the virgin birth of Jesus, the resurrection of Christ, or the Second Coming.  But there are those who do and they would find good company with the Mormon's, because Mormons believe all of those things too, literally.  I say they would find good company with the Mormons, if the fundamentalists would stop sending Mormons to Hell, that is!  These fundamentalist's are holding on literally to all of these beliefs, even though there is no proof of any of it,  all of their literalist claims, fall apart, just like the Mormon's do.  But they are hanging on for dear life, turning a blind eye and deaf ear to all that is going on around them, and at the same time, proclaiming that only they know the real Jesus, and you have the wrong one, if you don't believe as they do, and they know who is saved and who's going to Hell. 

I don't begrudge literalist in any religion, I used to be one.  I know how strong those beliefs are.  There are two things in this life, I have learned, that are so strong... stronger than logic, stronger than facts, and stronger than family ties sometimes; those two things are beliefs and fears.  People will do some of the most amazing things because of belief and because of fear, both negative and positive. You could say that its these two things that makes the world go round.  And I'm fairly convinced that God gave us these strong senses as a survival mechanism, even though these two senses also cause so much destruction and havoc in the world.  Everything has its opposite and the goal is learning to choose love over other emotions, which is difficult to do, especially in light of our fears and beliefs.  Love is often the last thing we turn to, but I have hope in a patient God, allowing us to learn and grow at our own pace as our desires turn toward love and away from fear, which just happens to be the opposite of love.

Am I condemning literalist for their beliefs?  No, I love them, they are good people who do many good things, and some bad things.  All of us do.  They have a very strong world view and think that it's the only way, the correct way, and the goal for them and God also, is for you to think that way too.  But the literalists claims ruin things, because they're not really true, even though believers don't know that.  They don't see the harm that some of their beliefs bring to themselves and others, because they believe things so strongly they can't image that their "truth" could bring harm.  In a real sense literalist beliefs keep them hemmed into a tight knit world, usually surrounded by like minded people. Just as Alexander Leek says in the movie Mothman Prophecies:  If there was a car crash ten blocks away, that window washer up there could probably see it.  Now, that doesn't mean he's God, or even smarter than you are.  But from where he's sitting, he can see a little further down the road.  So in other words, those down below (those in their tight little world) may not be able to see out as far as someone who is not hemmed in by those literal beliefs, just like the window washer.       

The reason I say these literal beliefs ruin everything, be their religious or sectarian, is because the believer gets so caught up in the belief that they cannot see things clearly, or another's perspective.  In other words, they own the truth and cannot consider another's point of view.  The belief trumps everything, thinking stops, pride sets in, and adherence to the belief becomes the paramount virtue over love and acceptance of others, over consideration of another's position, or circumstance.

Okay, so it broke my heart to discover that my literal beliefs were not true.  There is value to literal beliefs, but there are drawbacks too.  Being able to open your eyes to all of that is very empowering, and yet unsettling.  You no longer have answers to life's important questions, be the answers true or false, there is a secure feeling in having them.   That's fine, but now it's grow up time.  Time to move on.  You are leaving a false belief behind where you found safety.  That's okay, its called growing.  I think its a false believe to think that the most important thing that God wants from us is to have faith, endure to the end, don't get out of the boat, just stay the course.  I think what God really wants is for us to think, think, think, learn truths through our own experiences, have experiences that will teach us love and compassion for others.  Why would a God want anything other than that?

I watched a movie the other day, at the end, a woman said:  You have to be willing to loose everything, for God to shape you into what he has planned.  Before I would have heard that and thought, you have to be willing to sacrifice all that you have, be willing to go through trials, have your faith tested, etc.  BUT, now I hear that and think, you have to be willing to loose everything, meaning your belief system, that's when you really loose everything, and allow God to shape you into what he has planned.  That's quite a different thing! Much more meaningful to God and to you.